Even though I thought my self-confidence couldn't withstand dating, I took Kyle's advice, joined the matching service he recommended, and gave it a go. I approached my dating experiment with the following boundaries: 1) no one night stands/sex on the first date; 2) men who refer to sex before we meet will never met me; 3) if men say they want to see me again, let them come to me; 4) (thanks to Andy) if men say they will get back to me by a certain day about seeing me on a specific day and they don't, I'll have made other plans; and 5) (thanks to Andy) stick up for myself if men don't keep their word.
I joined the matching service at 6:30am on Thursday, August, 1. By 10am, I was texting with 7 men. By the end of the next day, I matched with 24 men. I stopped matching and actively communicated with 13 of these men. Pink Tie Adam asked why I was using the service: to meet men with potential for dating. Pink Tie Adam kindly enlightened me that people use this service for hooking-up. Sigh. Really? If I want to hook-up I sure as hell don't need a damn matching service. All I have to do is go out. I have a vagina. What more do I need to get hook-ups? Fuck. I added another boundary: no hook-ups. On Saturday, I added "Disinterested in hook-ups" in my tagline. Maybe one night stands/sex on the first date and hook-ups are one in the same, but not necessarily. Can't hurt to cover all sex-related bases, right? I didn't know if any of these potential dates would turn into anything, so I didn't bother setting a boundary for when I would have sex.
I had my first date on Thursday, August 1 with Daniel. Mid-30s. Turkish. Good looking. He was respectful and suggested we meet for dinner that night. I craved Thai food anyway, so we met at my favorite Thai restaurant. He offered to pick me up, but I declined. The conversation was easy and interesting, and lasted about 2 hours. We laughed a lot. He paid. When we parted ways, he asked if he could see me the following week. I didn't feel any connection but agreed to meet him. You never know, right? First dates can be awkward. Well, it didn't matter because I didn't hear from him last week, and I didn't contact him. See Boundary 3. When I got home, I talked with Dave for an hour. Dave and I planned to meet on Monday night for dinner.
On Friday night, I had a date with Ethan and my good friend Bun Bun, so no dates with strangers. We had Chinese food, then ended our night at Molly Moon's where a high school dance troupe performed sexy dance routines to hip hop tunes. It was awesome!
On Saturday night, I met Sameer. Mid-20s. Indian. Good looking. Nice smelling. We originally planned to meet downtown at 8, then he pushed it back to 8:30. I arrived at 8:15 and Sameer hadn't arrived by 8:40. New boundary: if a man is more than 15 minutes late and I don't hear from him, abort the mission. My nephew was in town, so I was meeting up with him and his friends at a club afterwards anyway. But Nephew said to bring Sameer along if it went well. Sameer and I talked for about 30 minutes, long enough to finish our respective cocktails. The conversation was interesting, but there was no connection. We split the check and parted ways. I met Nephew and his friends at a club. I violated Boundary 1 with Mark, one of my nephew's friends. As Nephew put it: I bagged a 27 year old. Mark had mad oral skills and I was helpless against his tricks. Seriously. Andy didn't go down on me (and I'm sure he would have been amazing too), so the last person to go down on me was the Egyptian and that was 1.5 years ago. And Mark wasn't part of my official dating experiment so I bent the rules a bit.
On Sunday, I recovered from Saturday. Three of my nephew's friends came home with me. I only had sex with Mark, but in retrospect wouldn't it have been awesome to have an orgy with three young men? Sigh. Their stamina... Wow! Two of them fell asleep in the living room, and Mark and I did "cardio" until 5am. We dozed on and off, did more cardio around 10:30am, and then dozed on and off until about 1:30pm. Mark left around 3pm. What a lazy and enjoyable day. I'd like to see Mark again. Mark friended me on FB on Friday and I had two separate dreams about him that night. I have a little crush on him. Hey, he's legal. Yeah, I know...the age difference; not realistic or practical.
On Monday, Dave called me when he said he would (scored points) and we agreed to meet at my place. Dave is 41; half Mexican, half white. We had a wonderful and lively conversation over good Mexican food. He touched my leg a few times, but I didn't know what that meant so I let it slide. We ate crickets (salty!) and chased them with jalapeno margaritas. I offered to pay for my portion, but he picked up most of the check (not sure about offering to pay - I like it when men pay for the first few dates). We walked around a park and then he made his move while we were looking at the stars. It was a nice feeling to be kissed, by I have to say that my nephew's friends are far better kissers and they're half Dave's age. But it was still nice, although I had to continually reign in Dave's wandering hands as they traveled over my ass and sides. We held hands and walked to his car. At the end of the evening, he asked if he could see me later that week. I didn't feel any connection, but why not? Again, you never know. I suggested Friday night (my only free night) and he said he'd let me know the next day. We hugged in the car and he did the quintessential and gratuitous boob rub as he moved his arm across me. Really? Sigh.
On Tuesday and Wednesday, I had dates with Ethan. What a relief to go out with someone I knew and was comfortable with. It was a reprieve from my dating experiment.
On Thursday morning, I was supposed to met Doug for coffee near my work. He lives in Tacoma and works in Seattle, so we tried to organize our meeting around our work schedules. We originally planned to meet at 9:00, then he pushed it back to 9:30, then he asked if he'd lose huge points if he was running late. Yes. I suggested that he contact me when he arrived at our meeting spot, but when I didn't hear from him by 9:40, I suggested we reschedule. He asked if we could meet the following morning. I explained that I'd rearranged my work schedule once to meet with him and that I wasn't inclined to rearrange my work schedule the following day, especially because I was having lunch with the girls and wouldn't cancel with them so I could take an early lunch to meet with him. Doug apologized and groveled enough, then asked if he could meet me that night but I had plans with Tom, so we agreed to meet at 9:30am on Friday.
I didn't hear from Dave on Tuesday. I didn't contact him (Boundary 3), but he contacted me on Thursday evening to see if we were hanging out the next night. I hesitated with Boundary 4, but then I remembered Andy. I explained to Dave that because I didn't hear from him, I wasn't sure if we were hanging out the next night (passive me!). Then Dave said he'd been busy and that he'd likely be working in Tacoma on Friday and would let me know in the morning. Fuck that. The word "busy" accelerated my speed while driving along Bitch Road and I was in no mood to slow down. I said more assertively that because I didn't hear from him on Tuesday like he said that I made other plans for Friday night. He didn't need to know my plans consisted of lounging around at home by myself. But I was so proud of myself for maintaining Boundary 4! Wooo hoooo! I don't want to be involved with a man who's "too busy" to contact me when he says he will. With all the technology at our disposal "too busy" is not a good excuse. It's a lame guy excuse. Or am I being to harsh? Maybe a little bit of both.
I joined the matching service at 6:30am on Thursday, August, 1. By 10am, I was texting with 7 men. By the end of the next day, I matched with 24 men. I stopped matching and actively communicated with 13 of these men. Pink Tie Adam asked why I was using the service: to meet men with potential for dating. Pink Tie Adam kindly enlightened me that people use this service for hooking-up. Sigh. Really? If I want to hook-up I sure as hell don't need a damn matching service. All I have to do is go out. I have a vagina. What more do I need to get hook-ups? Fuck. I added another boundary: no hook-ups. On Saturday, I added "Disinterested in hook-ups" in my tagline. Maybe one night stands/sex on the first date and hook-ups are one in the same, but not necessarily. Can't hurt to cover all sex-related bases, right? I didn't know if any of these potential dates would turn into anything, so I didn't bother setting a boundary for when I would have sex.
I had my first date on Thursday, August 1 with Daniel. Mid-30s. Turkish. Good looking. He was respectful and suggested we meet for dinner that night. I craved Thai food anyway, so we met at my favorite Thai restaurant. He offered to pick me up, but I declined. The conversation was easy and interesting, and lasted about 2 hours. We laughed a lot. He paid. When we parted ways, he asked if he could see me the following week. I didn't feel any connection but agreed to meet him. You never know, right? First dates can be awkward. Well, it didn't matter because I didn't hear from him last week, and I didn't contact him. See Boundary 3. When I got home, I talked with Dave for an hour. Dave and I planned to meet on Monday night for dinner.
On Friday night, I had a date with Ethan and my good friend Bun Bun, so no dates with strangers. We had Chinese food, then ended our night at Molly Moon's where a high school dance troupe performed sexy dance routines to hip hop tunes. It was awesome!
On Saturday night, I met Sameer. Mid-20s. Indian. Good looking. Nice smelling. We originally planned to meet downtown at 8, then he pushed it back to 8:30. I arrived at 8:15 and Sameer hadn't arrived by 8:40. New boundary: if a man is more than 15 minutes late and I don't hear from him, abort the mission. My nephew was in town, so I was meeting up with him and his friends at a club afterwards anyway. But Nephew said to bring Sameer along if it went well. Sameer and I talked for about 30 minutes, long enough to finish our respective cocktails. The conversation was interesting, but there was no connection. We split the check and parted ways. I met Nephew and his friends at a club. I violated Boundary 1 with Mark, one of my nephew's friends. As Nephew put it: I bagged a 27 year old. Mark had mad oral skills and I was helpless against his tricks. Seriously. Andy didn't go down on me (and I'm sure he would have been amazing too), so the last person to go down on me was the Egyptian and that was 1.5 years ago. And Mark wasn't part of my official dating experiment so I bent the rules a bit.
On Sunday, I recovered from Saturday. Three of my nephew's friends came home with me. I only had sex with Mark, but in retrospect wouldn't it have been awesome to have an orgy with three young men? Sigh. Their stamina... Wow! Two of them fell asleep in the living room, and Mark and I did "cardio" until 5am. We dozed on and off, did more cardio around 10:30am, and then dozed on and off until about 1:30pm. Mark left around 3pm. What a lazy and enjoyable day. I'd like to see Mark again. Mark friended me on FB on Friday and I had two separate dreams about him that night. I have a little crush on him. Hey, he's legal. Yeah, I know...the age difference; not realistic or practical.
On Monday, Dave called me when he said he would (scored points) and we agreed to meet at my place. Dave is 41; half Mexican, half white. We had a wonderful and lively conversation over good Mexican food. He touched my leg a few times, but I didn't know what that meant so I let it slide. We ate crickets (salty!) and chased them with jalapeno margaritas. I offered to pay for my portion, but he picked up most of the check (not sure about offering to pay - I like it when men pay for the first few dates). We walked around a park and then he made his move while we were looking at the stars. It was a nice feeling to be kissed, by I have to say that my nephew's friends are far better kissers and they're half Dave's age. But it was still nice, although I had to continually reign in Dave's wandering hands as they traveled over my ass and sides. We held hands and walked to his car. At the end of the evening, he asked if he could see me later that week. I didn't feel any connection, but why not? Again, you never know. I suggested Friday night (my only free night) and he said he'd let me know the next day. We hugged in the car and he did the quintessential and gratuitous boob rub as he moved his arm across me. Really? Sigh.
On Tuesday and Wednesday, I had dates with Ethan. What a relief to go out with someone I knew and was comfortable with. It was a reprieve from my dating experiment.
On Thursday morning, I was supposed to met Doug for coffee near my work. He lives in Tacoma and works in Seattle, so we tried to organize our meeting around our work schedules. We originally planned to meet at 9:00, then he pushed it back to 9:30, then he asked if he'd lose huge points if he was running late. Yes. I suggested that he contact me when he arrived at our meeting spot, but when I didn't hear from him by 9:40, I suggested we reschedule. He asked if we could meet the following morning. I explained that I'd rearranged my work schedule once to meet with him and that I wasn't inclined to rearrange my work schedule the following day, especially because I was having lunch with the girls and wouldn't cancel with them so I could take an early lunch to meet with him. Doug apologized and groveled enough, then asked if he could meet me that night but I had plans with Tom, so we agreed to meet at 9:30am on Friday.
I didn't hear from Dave on Tuesday. I didn't contact him (Boundary 3), but he contacted me on Thursday evening to see if we were hanging out the next night. I hesitated with Boundary 4, but then I remembered Andy. I explained to Dave that because I didn't hear from him, I wasn't sure if we were hanging out the next night (passive me!). Then Dave said he'd been busy and that he'd likely be working in Tacoma on Friday and would let me know in the morning. Fuck that. The word "busy" accelerated my speed while driving along Bitch Road and I was in no mood to slow down. I said more assertively that because I didn't hear from him on Tuesday like he said that I made other plans for Friday night. He didn't need to know my plans consisted of lounging around at home by myself. But I was so proud of myself for maintaining Boundary 4! Wooo hoooo! I don't want to be involved with a man who's "too busy" to contact me when he says he will. With all the technology at our disposal "too busy" is not a good excuse. It's a lame guy excuse. Or am I being to harsh? Maybe a little bit of both.
To be continued...
I came across your website while searching for something completely unrelated and I just wanted to commend you on what an amazing woman I think you are. It seems you have had such a monumental life so far and I am so impressed by what you have been through. Once I started reading I couldn't stop and I could not be more serious when I ask if you have ever thought about writing a memoir? I think you have incredible stories to tell and to top it all off you are an excellent writer! I hope you continue to post on this blog because I will continue to check it. Thank you so much for putting this out here; I think you are an amazing woman!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comments and compliments! I do plan to write a memoir and I hope this blog is my segue to that. I've been focused on my dissertation so I haven't blogged in a while but stories are percolating and I'm about ready to bubble over. Your comments are encouraging and inspiring! Thanks again! :)
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