In May 2011, I started dating. In August 2011, I stopped. After a couple of my early encounters, I sent out this email to some of my friends and family:
"So, as you probably know, I've started dating with the help of Match.com. A man named [Adam] contacted me a few weeks ago and wanted to get together with me for a drink. I gave him my number and he sent a text message a couple weeks ago and we exchanged a few texts. I told him I'd be available after this coming Friday (I'm working on my dissertation since I'm presenting my topic to my department tomorrow, and already had a date or two planned). According to his profile, this man is in his late 40s and claims to be looking for a serious relationship and he wants children. Score. Anyway, I sent him a text last night to see if he was still interested in meeting sometime this weekend or next week. His reply: "Still interested. But I started dating someone, and the sex is great." Seriously?! WTF? I responded "Wow. It's a wonder you're still single. Enjoy the sex." Then he replied "I didn't say it was the greatest sex and she's 16 years younger." Then I replied "I'm dating casually and don't plan on having sex until I meet someone who I want to date seriously" (which is true - gotta put the reins on these blokes). Amazingly, he has not replied. Or maybe he has replied but I wouldn't know because...
I did have two wonderful dates with a Croatian man named [Alex]. We canceled our third date because he was (allegedly) sick. We had our second date this past Saturday night, planned our third date for the next day and he got sick during our date (I saw it happen!) and he's not been feeling well the day before either, and (supposedly) felt more miserable the next day so we canceled the date. Of course, I think he was feigning illness because he doesn't really want a third date, that I've done something wrong or said something wrong, etc. (dating is bringing out my insecurities and fears, that's for sure, so I'm working on not being such a girl and not taking things to personally). But he could very well not be interested in seeing me again. Anyway, this afternoon I sent him a text (what's all this texting about anyway?) to inquire about how he was feeling and to see if he's up for getting together this weekend. I hadn't received a response within an hour so I have since put my cell phone in the car so I don't obsessively check it to make sure it's working, to verify that my service hasn't been disconnected, that the battery is charged, etc., since I'm supposed to be working on my dissertation. Ugh. :)
On my first date with another guy he mentioned an unofficial rule that women will have sex on the third date. Have any of you ever heard that? I read about it in a book about dating but that was the first I heard of it, but then this is my first entree into the world of dating so maybe it's been circulating in the dating world for a long time. My reply: "Well, I'm not one for following rules, much less unofficial rules, so if we don't have sex on the third date (and we won't) don't be disappointed." He was eager for a second date and I gave him one. Now he's eager for the third. I'm sure he's wondering if I'll stick to my word. I will.
If I was savvy, I would post all of this on Facebook but I definitely don't want this aspect of my personal life visible in social media (where I could potentially meet men!), but I still wanted to share with you all because, well, I find it funny. And I left out the story of [Jay], because that's a long one and most of you have heard the tale already. Think good thoughts for me! For those of you who are in committed relationships, be thankful you no longer have to go through this dating process. I'm surprised the dating process alone isn't enough to reduce the divorce rate, at least for women. It's fun and exciting for sure, but it's also trying, time consuming, disappointing, anxiety provoking, a real test of one's self-confidence, and a crude lesson in the need to let go of expectations."
Post script:
I heard back from Alex later that day and we set our third date for that Sunday. He was a no call, no show. I didn't contact him again, but he contacted me about two months later and we reconnected. He'd decided to move out-of-state and didn't want to tell me that on our third date, so he dropped off the face of the earth instead because he was certain that if we continued dating we'd get attached. Yeah, some man logic. At least he apologized later, and his dropping off the face of the earth had nothing to do with me. Humph.
I had four dates with "sex on the third date" guy. We didn't have sex, not that he didn't try. After our second date - which I refer to as "dog saliva" date - I knew I didn't want to date him anymore but I gave it two more goes then I kicked him to the curb. I need to write about the dog saliva date.
And I definitely need to write about Jay.
"So, as you probably know, I've started dating with the help of Match.com. A man named [Adam] contacted me a few weeks ago and wanted to get together with me for a drink. I gave him my number and he sent a text message a couple weeks ago and we exchanged a few texts. I told him I'd be available after this coming Friday (I'm working on my dissertation since I'm presenting my topic to my department tomorrow, and already had a date or two planned). According to his profile, this man is in his late 40s and claims to be looking for a serious relationship and he wants children. Score. Anyway, I sent him a text last night to see if he was still interested in meeting sometime this weekend or next week. His reply: "Still interested. But I started dating someone, and the sex is great." Seriously?! WTF? I responded "Wow. It's a wonder you're still single. Enjoy the sex." Then he replied "I didn't say it was the greatest sex and she's 16 years younger." Then I replied "I'm dating casually and don't plan on having sex until I meet someone who I want to date seriously" (which is true - gotta put the reins on these blokes). Amazingly, he has not replied. Or maybe he has replied but I wouldn't know because...
I did have two wonderful dates with a Croatian man named [Alex]. We canceled our third date because he was (allegedly) sick. We had our second date this past Saturday night, planned our third date for the next day and he got sick during our date (I saw it happen!) and he's not been feeling well the day before either, and (supposedly) felt more miserable the next day so we canceled the date. Of course, I think he was feigning illness because he doesn't really want a third date, that I've done something wrong or said something wrong, etc. (dating is bringing out my insecurities and fears, that's for sure, so I'm working on not being such a girl and not taking things to personally). But he could very well not be interested in seeing me again. Anyway, this afternoon I sent him a text (what's all this texting about anyway?) to inquire about how he was feeling and to see if he's up for getting together this weekend. I hadn't received a response within an hour so I have since put my cell phone in the car so I don't obsessively check it to make sure it's working, to verify that my service hasn't been disconnected, that the battery is charged, etc., since I'm supposed to be working on my dissertation. Ugh. :)
On my first date with another guy he mentioned an unofficial rule that women will have sex on the third date. Have any of you ever heard that? I read about it in a book about dating but that was the first I heard of it, but then this is my first entree into the world of dating so maybe it's been circulating in the dating world for a long time. My reply: "Well, I'm not one for following rules, much less unofficial rules, so if we don't have sex on the third date (and we won't) don't be disappointed." He was eager for a second date and I gave him one. Now he's eager for the third. I'm sure he's wondering if I'll stick to my word. I will.
If I was savvy, I would post all of this on Facebook but I definitely don't want this aspect of my personal life visible in social media (where I could potentially meet men!), but I still wanted to share with you all because, well, I find it funny. And I left out the story of [Jay], because that's a long one and most of you have heard the tale already. Think good thoughts for me! For those of you who are in committed relationships, be thankful you no longer have to go through this dating process. I'm surprised the dating process alone isn't enough to reduce the divorce rate, at least for women. It's fun and exciting for sure, but it's also trying, time consuming, disappointing, anxiety provoking, a real test of one's self-confidence, and a crude lesson in the need to let go of expectations."
Post script:
I heard back from Alex later that day and we set our third date for that Sunday. He was a no call, no show. I didn't contact him again, but he contacted me about two months later and we reconnected. He'd decided to move out-of-state and didn't want to tell me that on our third date, so he dropped off the face of the earth instead because he was certain that if we continued dating we'd get attached. Yeah, some man logic. At least he apologized later, and his dropping off the face of the earth had nothing to do with me. Humph.
I had four dates with "sex on the third date" guy. We didn't have sex, not that he didn't try. After our second date - which I refer to as "dog saliva" date - I knew I didn't want to date him anymore but I gave it two more goes then I kicked him to the curb. I need to write about the dog saliva date.
And I definitely need to write about Jay.
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