Dating Jay: Part Two

After our lovey (note the sarcasm) first date which lasted from Sunday afternoon to Monday morning (see post Dating Jay: Part One), Jay and I spoke on Monday night. He elaborated on what a great time he had with me, and how he planned to come to my place on Tuesday night, "and the next night, and the night after that" because he liked me so much. Uh, no. I explained that I didn't have any free time that week and that I wouldn't be able to see him until the weekend. He wasn't pleased but I made a concession and offered to go to his place that weekend. For a girl who's flown to two foreign countries to spend time with long distance lovers, driving 60 miles to Jay's place would be a piece of cake. He liked the idea, especially because the weather forecast promised thunderstorms - or, as he called it, "baby making weather" - for the weekend. WTF? Date 2 is NOT A BABY MAKING DATE!!! Unless, of course, I was engaging my backup plan of whoring around and getting knocked up but that wasn't (and isn't) my modus operandi. Red Flag Alert! Red Flag Alert! How do I attract these weirdos?! I deflected his comment by laughing and saying that I needed to finish my dissertation before I make any babies. And given that he was shooting blanks anyway, I'm not sure why the idea of "baby making weather" bother me so much. Oh yeah, it was creepy! But my deflection appeased him, and then he quizzed me on just how long it would take me to finish my dissertation. I could feel him adding my anticipated time to completion of my Ph.D. to my age, and him thinking that at 43 or 44 I would still be fertile enough to have a baby. I changed the topic again and mentioned I was really tired. He asked why and I answered honestly: his snoring and having someone new in my bed. I laughed and said that when I visited him on the weekend I'd likely sleep on his sofa or in a separate room. Oooo. This started a lengthy debate.

He proceeded to chastise and lecture me because "the worst thing you could ever do is leave the bedroom, because my mom abandoned me when I was 10 and I have abandonment issues." Red Flag! Oh joy. As a military person, he "could sleep through anything" and I'd "better get use to his snoring" because I "would not be allowed to leave the bed." WTF? I was confused: I would have to suffer through his snoring (and change myself) because he had abandonment issues (and didn't want to change himself). I pointed out the unfairness of his argument, but he was too self-absorbed to see my point. Ref Flag! After 45 minutes of this bullshit, I felt beat down and was in tears. He reminded me of my first ex-husband who was very controlling and possessive. I finally ended the conversation; it was upsetting upsetting, and I didn't want to talk about it anymore. We said our good nights but he wanted me to check in with him the next night; like an idiot, I did. At least he apologized for being a jerk the night before. Then he wanted me to check in with him every night that week; he confessed he'd become insecure and jealous if he wasn't able to reach me or if I didn't check in. Rue the day I forgot my phone and he couldn't reach me. Again, it was like the beginning of my first marriage; the noose around my independence felt tight. Red Fag! All this, and after only one date. It was like we were together for years and I'd done a multitude of immoral and dishonest things for which I had to pay the consequences, yet I had done nothing. Jay also had a massage table at home and wanted me to give him massages. Apparently he wanted a nursemaid too. Fuck that. I didn't want to deal with this.

We were supposed to have our second date on Saturday night. On Saturday morning, I went to the Chocolate Festival at Bell Harbor and planned on heading to his place after that. But the thought of putting fuel in my car to make the journey didn't seem appealing, let alone driving to his place and spending time with him. Ewwww. I called my second ex-husband and my dad to vet my misgivings about the situation. Both of them encouraged me to run like hell away from this guy. At the time I was supposed to start my journey to his place, I called and canceled the date. I told him I didn't want to jump full fledged into a committed relationship; he was appalled that I wanted to see other people and was concerned that having his sperm on ice at UW Medical Center was the main factor in my decision to cancel our date. Yeah, frozen sperm was the deal breaker. Whatever dude. He didn't seem too surprised that I canceled our date; he likes to "lay things on thick" at the beginning. His form of "laying it on thick" translated into desperation and insecurity. And he wonders why he's still single. By now he may have dooped some poor, unsuspecting woman into being his frozen sperm baby-making machine, but it sure as hell wasn't going to be me. Yes, Jay was a real gem. If by "gem" I mean "polished turd."