Polite Robber

Writing the first part of my The (Second) Night I Almost Died post reminded me of the time I was approached by a polite robber. On Tuesday, December 18, 2012, I went to Safeway around 7:30 pm to return some DVDs. When I exited the store, I saw a man standing about 50 feet away and to my left. I quickly glanced at him, but continued walking. "Excuse me, Mam'm," he said. I thought he was talking to me, but I avoided eye contact and continued walking across the parking lot to my car. I got into my car, sat down in the driver's seat, and shut the door. I put my purse on the passenger seat. Then I heard a man say "Excuse me, Mam'm." My door was closed, but it sounded like he was right next to me. I turned my head towards the sound, and there he was. Right in my face. Startled, I shrieked. He looked at me like I was an alien being. Yet he's the one who opened the driver's side door and stuck his head inside my car. Yeah, I'm the strange one. What the fuck, dude? "Can I please have your purse?" he asked politely. "No!" I snapped indigently. I looked in the rear view mirror and there was an older white truck stopped behind me, so I couldn't back out. And, well, I hadn't started my car yet. Damn it. He leaned closer into me and asked again politely "Mam'm, can I please have your purse?" "No!" I insisted more indigently than the first time. Then I wondered what the hell I was thinking. He could have a gun, and the white truck was blocking my exit. Fuck me. He reached for the door handle of the rear door. Was he going to crawl in the back seat and try to grab my purse? My anger erupted. As I rose from the driver's seat, I put my hands on his chest and shoved him hard. He looked exasperated, like I did something completely out of line. Seriously? Maybe I should have said "Don't touch my car or my purse, please"? Whatever I did worked. He left, got into the passenger side of the white truck, and they drove off. I was shaken. In retrospect, I was disappointed with my self-defense skills, and I realized that my life was worth much more than my purse and its contents. Obviously, the outcome could have been much worse. But I won the battle against this polite robber.